Some days, our job can feel like the worst thing in the world. The company or business that we’re working for might seem an awful place to work, because it appears to have no specific purpose, is full of annoying jerks that we don’t want to be around, or is run by the biggest jerk in the world. It’s easy to fantasize and look at TV or the movies and say, “Wow, I wish I could have that job!” or “I’d love to work here.” But often times, you actually have it much better than you think, and the characters you love to watch on the big or small screen might not exactly have the ideal situations you think they do, as the places they work could be even worse than your own company. These are 10 fictional TV businesses we would never work for.
One can see the appeal of being a Luthor: the wealth, luxury, and intimidation that the name brings you. However, working for the Luthors and being one are two very different things, and that’s why we’d never want to be an employee of LuthorCorp. In addition to all of the very unethical and problematic practices of the company, there’s also the fact that your boss, whether it’s Lionel, or in Smallville‘s later seasons, Lex couldn’t care less about you. To them, you’re just another part of the machine that helps them keep making money and pursue whatever twisted interests they have.
Queen Consolidated/Palmer Technologies (Arrow)
While it’s great that both Oliver Queen and Ray Palmer are so dedicated to helping protect Starling City from criminals, who is actually running their company while they’re off doing that? It’s been three seasons of Arrow, and I’m still not exactly sure what Queen Consolidated now turned Palmer Technologies does. And aside from Felicity, who may now be the acting CEO of the company, we don’t know what any of the company’s employees are up to, or if the business is even doing well. There’s just a lot of confusion when it comes to Palmer Technologies, and “confusion” isn’t something we really seek out when looking for a place to work.
Hooli (Silicon Valley)
Could you make a ton of money for Hooli by doing absolutely nothing? Of course, you could. Just look at Big Head, who is the head of Hooli XYZ and doesn’t do anything but hang out and make potato guns, but is still able to purchase a boat. But the chances that you get a cushy position like that are slim. Instead, you’re more than likely going be put under pressure to produce something better than the competition than the awful (but hilarious) Gavin Belson, and if you can’t make him happy, then you’ll be out of a job faster than you can blink. Yeah, that doesn’t sound like a place we really want to work.
Sterling Cooper & Partners (Mad Men)
It’s not that the perks of working at Sterling Cooper & Partners wouldn’t be nice: a solid paycheck, dinners with clients, a fully stocked bar in your office. However, with all those perks comes the cutthroat environment of Madison Avenue, where everyone is trying to get ahead, and the always uncertain future of SCP, which has changed its name, size, and office many times. You’re never sure if SCP is going to expand or be absorbed into a bigger company, and that lack of trust in the business will certainly make working there a very stressful time.
Max Rager (iZombie)
It’s everyone’s dream to grow up and work for a company whose energy drink turns people into zombies, right? Most likely not, but that’s exactly what Max Rager, run by CEO Vaughn Du Clark does, and even worse is how they will kill anyone to cover up their tracks. So that means that if you work for them and suddenly realize that what you’re doing is, you know, morally wrong, then you’re as good as dead. That’s a very literal termination policy, isn’t it?
Grey-Sloane Memorial Hospital (Grey’s Anatomy)
Okay, so a hospital isn’t exactly a typical business, but it’s an environment that attracts a lot of well-skilled employees (aka doctors) who are looking to help people and earn a solid living. But I think just about every doctor, nurse, and probably even custodian would not want to work at Grey-Sloane Memorial Hospital, formerly called Seattle Grace, just by looking at how many of its employees have died over the years. Whether it’s plane crashes, mass shootings, or car accidents, the mortality rate for doctors at Grey-Sloane is incredibly high, which would make any sane person believe that there’s a curse on the hospital and convince them to stay far away from it.
Newport Group (The O.C.)
Caleb Nichol may have been a good businessman, but he certainly was a kind or encouraging boss. Need proof? Just ask his daughter, Kirsten, or his wife, Julie, who he’d typically belittle instead of support. And if Caleb being a massive jerk (like the other guy directly below him on this list) isn’t enough to make you run away from the Newwport Group, it’s bad luck with model homes burning down and corruption charges may also make you think twice before becoming an employee.
Dan Scott Motors (One Tree Hill)
If a man treats his family like trash, what are the chances he’ll treat his employees well? Probably not so good. Throughout most of One Tree Hill, there was no one more cruel, cunning, or sadistic as Dan Scott, and although we didn’t see him working at his car dealership too much during the show’s nine seasons, we did see the type of person he was in his everyday life—and that person was not someone you’d want to be your boss. Plus, if you took away the manipulation, verbal abuse, and murder, Dan was also a corrupt businessman, and who wants get involved with a busy that’s already into some shady dealings?
Pied Piper (Silicon Valley)
Unlike the people at Hooli, we actually root for these underdogs and want to see them succeed. However, just because we’re cheering them on doesn’t necessarily mean we’d want to work with them. In fact, as proven many times throughout Silicon Valley Season 2, a job at Pied Piper is definitely one of the most intense ones you could ever have, as the company is always teetering between success and huge failure. They definitely can’t provide the best job security, that’s for sure.
S.T.A.R. Labs (The Flash)
While it would be great to work with Caitlin, Cisco, and, of course, The Flash himself, we’re not too sure if we could justify signing up to work for a company that’s owner is actually a vengeful speedster from the future intent on destroying everything Barry holds dear, no matter what the cost. Plus, there’s the whole possibility of the particle accelerator exploding again (or in the case of the Season 1 finale, it causing a wormhole), and even though it would be super cool to be around so many smart people and help save the day, we’d more than likely keep away to stay safe. At least until things maybe get a little less dangerous in Season 2.
[Photos via HBO, Warner Bros. TV, The CW, AMC, ABC & FOX]